• John Kerry takes Teresa to see Les Miz for her birthday [Reliable Source]
• Michelle Obama makes "Top 10 Plays" on ESPN?! [Politico] More»

Before jetting off to look at the oil spill, Claire Bernard arrived in DC to lobby for environmental legislation. Or maybe she was just tagging along with actual lobbyists. Vanity Fair is a little unclear on the deets. We can all learn from Claire's experience, though! Read on for how to twist politicos around your little finger. More»

• During the Summit Series, D.C. is no longer Hollywood for ugly people. [Politico]
• Tough parts of Obama's job include spending time in Buffalo. [TPM]
• With John Kerry and Joe Lieberman behind a new climate bill, you know it will be a winner. [NYT]
• To delight of tourists and consternation of locals, D.C. is named country's top sightseeing destination. [NBC]
• Sarah Palin set to become America's most prolific "political" writer. [Gawker]

• New York City was just kidding about that whole smoking ban. [Eater]

• Dawson James Van Der Beek files for divorce. [People]

• Oprah's calling it quits. [CNN] Take a look back at her top 9 moments. [EOnline]

• Model Daul Kim found dead in Paris, and we remember her career highlights. [TheCut]

• Al Gore on 30 Rock. [Gawker]

• John Kerry's daughter Alexandra arrested for DUI. [Mediaite]

If only the Newsday had told you what to do at this time last year, maybe you wouldn't have gotten rejected so many damn times. We highly recommend heading their advice:

1. Don't name drop the name Rachel Uchitel to Rachel Uchitel at the door of Dune: Her favorite line is "Rachel told me to come by." "Dude," she says, "I'm Rachel, and that's the most idiotic thing you can say."

2. Don't roll up with six guys (must keep a good ratio!), or ask Michealangelo L'Acqua at Dune if he knows who your daddy is:"If you roll up with six guys, chances are I won't let you in unless you're willing to spend money for a table. I don't like baseball caps or fraternity looks. For girls, I like it light and beachy, not a lot of makeup." L'Acqua's least favorite gambit: "Do you know who my dad is?

3. Just be "cool" and Binn Jakupi will let you in the door at Stereo: "People will say, 'I'm Domenico Dolce's cousin. I own this hotel,'" he says. "I don't care what you own. If someone is cool and I want to take care of them, I take care of them."

4. Don't ask Alexander Julian at the door of Pink Elephant if he knows who you are, and for God's sake don't wear flip flops: Julian's least favorite opener is "Do you know who I am?" "If you're poorly dressed in flip-flops and khakis," says the straight shooter at Pink Elephant, "you're not getting in."

5. Bring your "elegant casual" game to Bey Archer if you want in at Starroom: he doesn't ban flip-flops. Archer says he's looking for "elegant casual."

A couple of mixed messages here, I'm starting to get confused. Flip-flops are ok here, then not okay there. These doormen are begginning to sound like the uber flip-flop: John Kerry. Man if only we could just be "cool".