10 Absolutely Ridiculous Perks At Fancy Hotels

by Ann Chow · January 6, 2012

The holidays may have come and gone, but you're in dire need of a vacation. You just booked one? But wait! Have you checked to see if the hotels you're staying at offer these perks? The only requirement for these services is that you are a rich, possibly lazy, priss.

Here are some of the ridiculous perks at hotels that Business Insider rounded up.

1. Go to sleep knowing someone else is putting your children to sleep. Sounds creepy, actually. Like a nanny, but not, the Benjamin Hotel has a "sleep concierge" that "gives kids sleep tips, child-sized robes, a iPod with lullabies on it, stuffed animals, bedtime books, and milk with cookies." And if you have no idea what tickets to the Central Park Zoo cost, for an extra $495 a night, your kid will get all of the above plus FOUR tickets to the zoo in the "Good Night, Sleep Tight" Package! Deal. Of. The. Century.

2. How else do you treat family other than pampering them with massages, monogrammed towels, 22-karat gold-plated ID tags, giving them beef tenderloin for lunch or dinner, and giving them voice lessons to become the next Beyonce? Did we mention this is all for your pet? NY State law says that pets are nothing but property (many will disagree), but for many, they are part of the family.

3. People who use Evian are naive. At the tennis courts at Las Ventanas al Paraíso in Los Cabos, the hotel staff will remain courtside to give you a cold towel, clean your sunglasses, chase your ball, and spray you with mists of Evian water when you need it. Nothing from the tap for monsieur (or madame).

4. Who doesn't love a good menu at their hotel? At the Drake Hotel, they up the ante by providing something called a "Pleasure Menu," and it definitely doesn't involve food or drink. (Well, it could...) The packages included on the menu are:

Pleasure Pack #1 - Some cheeky suggestions to get your night started.

Pleasure Pack #2 - This one is for the thrill seekers.

Pleasure Pack #3 - Feather + flog + vibrate + velvet + oil. Enjoy!

Pleasure Pack #4 - The Lap of Luxury. A 24-carat good time

Kind of wishing there is a man included with the package. At the Ritz-Carlton though...

5. At the Ritz-Carlton, you'll have "butlers" attending to your every need. (Ooooh.) Not really of the salacious kind, the Ritz provides help for you in doing useful things like how to turn on the TV in your room or how to connect to the internet. The other variety of buttling in the South Beach branch though involves the butlers walking around the hotel grounds in an effort to provide sunscreen, oils, shade, and the ability to cover up those difficult-to-reach spots. Every person's dream come true: a total stranger rubbing lotion on your back.

Go HERE for the rest of the list!