Dear DC, Poles Are For Pole Dancing

by MADELEINE STARKEY · June 22, 2010

As some of you may be aware, nightlife hot spot Josephine (formerly Deadalus, but that was like, a million years ago) has two lovely stripper poles on its main dance floor, aka "the pit."  And when you get girls a-boozin', they tend to over estimate their sex-appeal.

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I'll say this: there is at least one person who should be on that pole at Josephine, and it's Mallory "The Dancer" Terry (left).  The resident Josephine booty-shaker (she used to dance at Play, which is now Midtown) can not only dance, but also climb that pole like a pro (which she's not).

However, others not as skilled as Miss Mallory, who clearly haven't attended a single pole-dancing class yet insist on grinding up on the poles anyway, perpetrate a variety of club/pole faux-pas.

They are as follows:

1.  Many a lovely lady hop atop the pole platform, only to awkwardly gyrate against said pole.  Poor things look like they're engaging in their first "grinding" (read: dry humping that's called dancing) experience circa 7th grade.

2.  Sometimes they even just use the pole to balance.  This is a good strategy if you're too drunk--hanging onto something for support--the only problem is you're elevated above ground level so everyone sees you just standing there, swaying off beat as you try to regain composure.

3.  Spinning around and around as you only nominally lift yourself off your feet is not sexy.  It makes on-lookers dizzy, and reveals your utter dearth of upper body strength.

4.  Unless you are trying to get severely sexually harassed, attempting any kind of pole interaction while wearing a dress is a no-no.  And yet they still do it!  No matter how slick you think you are, people will inevitably see your undies (if you're even wearing them) and may or may not creep up on you following your little exhibition.

5.  Multiple girls on a pole: not exponentially sexier.

The moral of this diatribe is: leave pole-dancing to the pros.  Or take a class.  If you insist on spinning about at Josephine, or any other venue kind enough to provide poles, have some self-respect and learn how to move like a stripper.

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- The way this poor thing is going in for the kill spells doom: can't you sense her lack of confidence?

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- Evidence of point number 5

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And again!

[photos via Facebook]