BrightestYoungThings Wants Everyone In The DMV To Find A Mate

by MADELEINE STARKEY · July 14, 2010

Who needs e-Harmony, Match.com, or my favorite Sugar Daddie?  I'm not personally a gold digger, but I just absolutely love that there's a website for people who are so inclined.  But these dating sites lack one element that is essential to any real relationship.

Essential element: people being all up in your business.  That's what creates lasting unions: when everyone and their mother knows how you awkwardly tried to kiss that girl, or suggested going dutch on the check because of the "economy," or best of all, know how lickity split you passed out during sex.

Because they recognize the logic in shows such as The Bachelor and Real Chance of Love, BrightestYoungThings is here to help all you idiots who can't seem to any nookie (if you're looking for no strings attached relations, I hear there's a bevy of beauties around 14th and K on any given night.  But I digress) on your own.

Their Arranged Marriage Series will set up consenting adults D.C., Maryland and Virginia who are 21 and older--because who wants to have to worry about a date's fake I.D.--and then broadcast the awk fest on the internets.  And, according to BYT,

BYT will spring for the food, drink, entertainment and (hopefully) arrange for a late night hot tub.

The hot tub is a good idea (unless it's a hot tub time machine).  But some other things that they might want to provide include:

condoms (Mags and others--this is an equal opportunity enterprise after all)

Plan B

porn

lube

furry hand cuffs

gerbils

Once BYT works their magic on the brave souls who enlist, I have no doubt D.C. will be happier place.  We'll be surrounded by wonderfully blissful couples such as these:

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Ahhh young love