So, Where SHOULD NYU Build Its Next Mega-Dorm?

by guestofaguest · February 4, 2010

Poor NYU. All it wants is to build some more dorms for its ever-growing student body, but no one wants them in their neighborhood. Where's your neighborly hospitality, New York? Here are some suggestions for where the next NYU Dorm should go...-

The average NYU kid is jaded, pseudo-Bohemian, and generally feels superior to everyone else. (There are some exceptions to this superiority complex: there used to be a homeless man who sat on the corner of Broadway and Waverly who seriously had a FOLLOWING of NYU kids sitting on the ground in front of him in rapt attention, handing over $5, $10, $20 dollar bills.)

So what neighborhoods are just begging for a mega-dorm of aspiring Lady Gagas?

1. Morningside Heights

Sure, Morningside Heights is famously the home of Columbia University, but what's another dorm or two? I'm sure the Columbia students would LOVE to make room for 1,200 NYU students in their favorite neighborhood haunts. It's not like there would be any "my NYC school is better than your NYC school" pissing matches or anything.

-

2. The Plaza Hotel

A few years ago, a billionaire bought the Plaza Hotel to turn it into a luxury condo tower, but that didn't turn out so well, and now much of the storied building is empty. Move in the NYU students! They can screen their film projects in the terrace room, serenade the patrons of the Oak Room with their guitar songs, and step outside for a cigarette (or joint) in the park! Also, the Plaza's basement food court will soon resemble an NYU dining hall, so the kids, depressingly, will be right at home.

-

-

3. Brighton Beach

Slavic Studies majors might be drawn to this oceanfront Russian enclave by the Chekhov-on-acid cabaret performance and BYO vodka policy at Tatiana. And the swim team could get in on the Polar Bear Club' winter plunges into the frigid Atlantic.  But the men in black leather jackets roaming the boardwalk tend to look funny at anyone not straight off the boat. Hostage situations and fatal drownings (two things I witnessed during my first visit to Brighton) will also deter all but the most courageous.

-

4. Chelsea

Chelsea is famously the most open-minded of New York neighborhoods: where else can you find a  Housing Project, a Convent, and a million dollar-condo in such close proximity to each other? NYU's gay male contingent (read: NYU's males) would be especially comfortable.

-

-

5.Staten Island

Sure, the students might complain about being relocated so far from campus, but no one else in New York will!

-

6. Washington Heights

NYU's many insufferable theater geeks would relish the opportunity to live in this ethnic-musical inspiring 'hood. The multi-culti area would also appeal to NYU's adoration of all things diverse. But with nary a Think Coffee in sight and a hellish commute to Washington Square Park, even the biggest Broadway diehards would think twice.

7. Greenwich

GreenwichSo close to Greenwich Village in name, so far away in state of mind. Despite abundant vacant McMansions, we can't imagine alternative-leaning NYU undergrads being too happy on the Connecticut Gold Coast. Then again, Stern brats would be right at home.

-

-

-

--Post compiled by Chiara Atik (who went to NYU and is allowed to make jokes at its expense) and Billy Gray (who went to Harvard, and isn't.)