First, we brought you the heartwarming story of SBE's Winter Sessions Carnival, a modest little event with a few simple rules on how to get inside. These guidelines were simple applications of common sense, namely: 1) Spend At Least $1,000, 2) "Be Hot", and 3) "Be Famous". Small price to pay for the hottest new event in town, right? Well, maybe too small. Let's play the role of promoter for a moment come up with a few more rules to ensure that the Carnival remains highly exclusive.
Dress Festive, But Not "Poor Person" Festive
Self-explanatory. You should totally dress the theme, but have you ever been to an actual carnival? Guh-ross! Not only are there fat people there, but it's like they all went shopping at K-Mart together for their Wrangler flannel shirts! We want to see flannel, plaid, and denim to keep the carnie spirit, but your overalls better have labels (i.e. True Religion).
Don't Try Too Hard At The Carnival Games
Seriously, people? How many times do we have to explain to you that themes are only cool if they slightly change the way you consume overpriced alcohol and/or give you something to do in the candid party photos? In other words, if you thought "destination event/experience" meant that you were allowed to non-ironically molest the tigers and enjoy Skee-Ball, then go to an actual arcade with the rest of the virgins. Related: don't embarrass yourself by asking for a virgin Sno-Cone.
Keep Your Bad Behavior Proportionate To Your Fame
If, somehow, you've made your way inside despite having never been the subject of a bisexuality blind item in the media, then hopefully you recognize that you owe your presence to the abundant grace of God Himself and/or an egregious error by the door staff. Make no mistake: you don't belong there, so you'd better stay zipped up and on your best behavior. If, on the other hand, you have had sex with or are Lindsay Lohan, it would be an honor to have this as the site of your latest drug-fueled meltdown. If you get the urge to throw a drink, do something naughty in the bathroom, or claw a bartender in the face, roll with it! We're all in this together, and there's no such thing as bad publicity.
[All photos via facebook]