If you were in NYC on Monday and you happened to notice an alarming lack of streetwalkers, don't worry. It turns out they were probably at The Grace Hotel. No, Dominique Strauss-Kahn wasn't staying there, but model/actress/social media guru/professional body part Coco (and her husband, famous rape detective Ice-T) was, throwing the launch party for her brand new line of Coco Licious skintight vinyl mini-dresses, badonk-a-donk jeans, and even sweaters designed to, um, accentuate the figures of curvy women who "need an extra lift for [their] gift." If any of this seems like it's in poor taste to you, I can only imagine that you had no idea who Coco was.
So, show of hands: who finds this woman attractive? Doesn't she remind you of the scene in I'm Gonna Git You Sucka where Keenen Ivory Wayans starts undressing the girl and she's popping off all her fake body parts? Surely I can't be the only person who's seen that movie. Well, either way, this dress "accentuates" your curves the same way crystal meth "accentuates" your alertness—that is to say, after a few hours of it, you're going to feel bugs crawling underneath your skin.
In addition to the Licious line, Coco also debuted a set of workout clothes under the name Team Coco. Whether she consulted with Conan O'Brien about this is anyone's guess, though I'm pretty sure a rail-thin, 6'4" pasty Irishman isn't the target audience.
But hey, it's good to see Ice-T out and about. It's not every day a self-proclaimed "cop killer" ends up making far, far more money playing a cop, to the extent that if he tried to release a song now, it'd have to be about swabbing the crime scene for trace amounts of the suspect's semen.
Overall, Coco and Ice T kind of seem like the real deal: two vaguely (to quite) gross, why-are-they-famous celebrities that seem to have some kind of actual love for each other in spite of overwhelming evidence that they should both know better. And as we all know, those combinations have made for some of the best reality shows ever, from "The Osbournes" to "The Hills". Lucky for us, "Ice Loves Coco" is dropping on E! in early June.