Remember The Cell? Sure you do! It was that movie where the guy from the "Law & Order: Criminal Crimes" show you don't watch (no, not "L&O Los Angeles", though judging by the ratings, you don't watch that, either) was a serial killer, and then they catch him, only he's still got a girl captured somewhere so J-Lo has to crawl inside his freaky head-space while wearing a red plastic bodysuit for some reason, and also Vince Vaughn wasn't fat yet and he was in the FBI or something? Anyway, if you saw that movie and literally anything other than J-Lo gave you a boner, have we got the nightclub event for you (Ron Jeremy cameos and all!).
This is IMPULSE, a "monthly blend of music, art, and modern spectacle," according to the website, which loosely translates into a dance party held in the mind of a serial killer. And since any aspiring serial killer knows that you need to save as much of your money as possible for duct tape purchases and cargo van maintenance, IMPULSE at Boardner's Hollywood lets anyone dressed with an "extreme look" in the door for free! [note: for more advice on what constitutes an "extreme look," check out our coverage of the Disneyland goth invasion known as Bats Day in the Fun Park] Let's take a look at the intersection of frugality and face-numbing terror:
What a lot of people don't realize is that the reason they tell you to always cut the plastic rings on your 6-pack holder has nothing to do with birds or turtles or whatever. In reality, you're trying to avoid catching this guy, who will follow you home and use all of your eye liner before you can stop him.
Gee, this is kind of awkward, but when I told you that I thought the villain from X-Men was sexy, I meant the naked blue chick, not the Russian serial killer with tubes in his arms. It's my fault, I should have been clear.
Despite the "alternative" vibe, this event clearly attracts stars like Christina Aguilera here. Of course, she'll deny it if you ask her about it, but she was just too plastered to remember.
Dumbass, it goes salt, tequila, then fresh blood.
I always figured getting fire tattooed on yourself was like what Carlin used to say about getting barbed wire tattooed on yourself: if you want to prove you're a tough guy, don't show me a picture of something dangerous on you. Prove it by rocking the real thing. Set yourself on fire.
But in the end, all my jokes fall flat. Because honestly, if Ron Jeremy's at your party, it's cooler than whatever I'm getting up to. Well played, Impulse. Well played.