"Best $2k I Ever Spent!" Paying Attention to Mom's Advice At Dim Mak

by Alex Gilman · April 8, 2011

As you may already know, it got a little awkward at Dim Mak Studios the other night. It happens to all of us, right? Well, sure, but I can't help but think that some of this awkwardness could have been avoided if L.A.'s partygoers took a little time out of their grueling schedule of underemployment and Lucky Charms consumption to listen more closely to the sage advice of their dear, sainted mothers. Because really, the vast majority of this silliness is just stuff your mama warned you about.

[Go HERE for more photos by Nik Williamson and tag yourself and your friends!]

Your mother definitely warned you that if you made a face like this long enough, it would stick that way, and I'm sorry to say that this seems to have happened to this poor guy. Sure, it seems funny in the middle of the dance floor, but how do you think he feels when he scares everyone out of the popcorn line at the movies, or when kids in the park see him and start crying? The worst part? Even if he had the money to pay for the reconstructive surgery, there's not a doctor in the world that could look at that face and still hold his scalpel steady.

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- Your mom (hopefully) told you not to worship the devil. It makes people uncomfortable and you end up sitting alone on a couch at the party.

Your mama raised you to always be polite, and to refrain from vulgar language and gestures. She probably should also have told you that if you kind of resemble an alien in any way to begin with, it's not a great idea to pose next to an alien mask that's basically the same color you are. It gives people ideas.

My mom always told me to be humble, never to brag or show off too much. Then again, I'm not a beautifully illustrated, heavily-muscled Sex God like this guy. Unfortunately, Tyler Perry called, and he's going to need Madea's glasses back by tomorrow, ok? Thanks bud!

Your mom might have told you that if you chew on your hair too much, it'll collect in your stomach and form a gigantic hairball, like a cat. And since we all know that cats are only for serial killers and women who have accepted dying alone, it's a bad precedent to set. Plus, hair doesn't taste good. So stop.

Why do I feel like there was some questionable parenting going on here to begin with? Generally, "don't wear a scarf as a dress" is advice that can be left unsaid, but just in case, don't wear a scarf as a dress. Bonus points for making a facial expression that indicates surprise at being photographed, as if dressing like this is normal and sensible. Young lady, if you can't behave yourself by the rules, we're just going to have to call your mom to come pick you up.