"Best $2k I Ever Spent!" Rating Dim Mak Tuesdays Couples On The Calvin Klein-Nick Gruber Scale

by Alex Gilman · February 3, 2011

Because there's no place on Earth they'd rather live, our beloved colleagues at GofG NY were delighted to brave the frozen rain and single-digit temperatures earlier this week in order to attend Calvin Klein's boyfriend's 21st birthday party. The party looks like it was pretty fun. The pictures of the happy couple are as traumatizing as you would probably suspect.

Beyond the typical Michael Douglas thing where it just looks like the young, beautiful half of the couple is doing court-ordered community service for burning down a church, there's also the added wrinkle that Calvin Klein's boyfriend really looks like a 21-year old version of Calvin Klein. It's almost as if Calvin decided to clone himself, got 80% of the way through the process, and decided he'd rather bang himself instead. Which, if you've made as much money as Calvin Klein, is a perfectly viable option.

To honor young Nick Gruber and the eternal love that can only come from dating a multi-millionaire more than triple your own age, we hit up our beloved Dim Mak Tuesdays at Cinespace to see if we could find any couples as magical as young Nick and young-at-heart Calvin...

Well, these guys are pretty cute, at first glance. Unfortunately, closer examination reveals that this guy is trying way too hard. We need to start treating hipster accessories like prescription drugs. You can have the oversized necklace, but not if you already have the Professor Frink glasses, and especially not if you also have an ironic sports team hat. Mixing all of those could cause a dangerously douchey reaction. Whenever I see a grown man wearing a hat indoors, I always wonder if they're bald underneath.

Couple Score (1-5 Trophy Boyfriends):

I like these guys because they seem pretty comfortable with who they are. The jacket tied around the waist says, "I'm not afraid to look like my dad." The completely visible bra under the shirt says, "My co-workers don't surf the internet." And the empty drink says, "The party's just begun."

Couple Score (1-5 Trophy Boyfriends):

Some girls just want to have fun. But sometimes they're tied down by an over-possessive partner too afraid of their own insecurities to let their loved one fly. Hey Mel Gibson, can't you see you're smothering her?

Couple Score (1-5 Trophy Boyfriends):

Is it just me, or does it seem like the girl is desperately trying to pull this guy's hand away from her body? Sounds like we got ourselves a groper! And the vodka-cranberry? And a long-sleeve T at the club? Let's hope for this guy's sake that he's European.

Couple Score (1-5 Trophy Boyfriends):

(add 1 if he's European)

I'm not saying these guys are necessarily a romantic item. But wouldn't it make you so happy if they were?

Couple Score (1-5 Trophy Boyfriends):