Welcome to "Traveling With The 99%," our new guide to getting the most out of your holiday travel—whether you're going by plane, train, boat, or automobile. Today's topic: airport archetypes.

It's difficult sometimes to remember just how large this country of ours is. America is a broad, diverse land, and by that, I mean that America is basically completely jammed full of crazy weirdos. Some of these weirdos are completely awesome and many of them are horrible, but regardless of where they fall on the scale, one thing remains true: you will encounter almost all of them (99% of them) while flying economy class.

[This middle-aged mank vest offender and all other airport photos via]