USC's Kappa Sigma: a great fraternity, or the greatest fraternity? This question was aggressively thrust even further into the spotlight with Saturday's viral circulation of a series of jaw-dropping photos of a young couple physically expressing their eternal love in the place where they felt closest to their God: on the roof of a really tall campus academic building.
Also, just kidding about the eternal love part! Because, if you somehow forgot, Kappa Sigma, to which the strapping young man in these photos is confirmed to be a member of, was the frat responsible for last month's Chicken Soup For The Soul: Date Rape Edition e-mail (see #5) that advocated, among other things, referring to women as "targets, not human beings" and remembering that "non-consent and rape are two different things." As a caustically dark piece of satire targeting aggressive male group behavior, it just might have been a work of genius. As a State Of The Union for The United States of Fratsylvania, however, it looked more like Exhibit A in the inevitable criminal trial. And as we know, USC's impeccable reputation for moral conduct could be seriously threatened by something like that. So I guess what we're trying to say is, we really hope this is consensual, because it is hilarious:
This is Waite Phillips Hall, an iconic campus building that houses, amongst other things, the offices for The Rossier School For Education. Well, hopefully the Dean remembered his raincoat that morning, because 12 stories above his head, a licensed "KSig Cocksman" was working his craft with expert ease on a total 7, bro.
In a concerned effort to raise this young woman's self esteem, our gentleman caller offered her several different views of the Los Angeles area, including this relaxing interlude where, if I know my Kappa Sigmas, he probably told her to close her eyes and then texted his bros.
On the plus side, this may be the closest these two have been to the classroom in ages. On the other hand, they seem to have incurred the wrath of the animal kingdom, as this noble seagull prepares to divebomb them in order to preserve the mental health of the rest of the campus. Too late, seagull. Too late.
The only really shocking part about this story? That, according to Kappa Sigma Prez Zach Timm (who is doing a bang-up job this year, really), the unnamed dude has...
"been suspended from Kappa Sigma for conduct unbecoming of a Kappa Sigma and a gentleman until a more detailed investigation can be conducted."
Hey, Zach Timm, WTF man??? Unless this girl was way uglier than she looks in the admittedly distant photos, I'm pretty sure this is exactly the conduct of a Kappa Sigma, as outlined in the instruction manual we posted weeks ago (see #5). How unfair is it that this one defenseless bro who doesn't even have the personal wherewithal to not be naked on top of a class building gets nailed to the cross just because you're in the middle of some desperate image rehab? And why do we immediately ID the guy as a Kappa Sigma and yet we still have no idea what sorority the girl is in? I mean, she might not be in a sorority, but come on.
So another day, another proud moment for the Men (and Women) of Troy. I would also like to point out that I fought the temptation to make a Trojan joke for this entire story. Fight on!