"Excuse me, do these effectively hide my thunder?"
Dr. Tobias Fünke. A medical visionary as the world's first certified Analrapist (analyst + therapist) and thespian. And yet, his fashion has never really caught on: until now. For the Never-Nude in all of us, may we present the Junderpants:
That's right, it's the kind of hybrid abomination you would only think could be made somewhere insane, like Japan. Oh, wait, these are from Japan? Well, that works.
Remember, as a true Never-Nude, Junderpants will serve as you last line of defense between your precious, precious junk and the peeping eyes of the outside world. As Tobias does, you're encouraged to never remove them, layering regular underwear, pants, and the occasional overweight British maid costume on top. If the above model confuses you, what with the slim, feminine waistline and the very unfeminine crotch bulge, don't sweat it: these babies are unisex!
So the next time you're planing to obsessively stalk David Cross after a stand-up show, don't bother spending a ton of time painting yourself blue (or should I say, "blue-ing yourself"), when these babies are yours for a mere $70 + S&H (hey, they came all the way from Japan).
Because if this is something you'd wear in public, then you're Karl Lagerfeld's boy-toy, and the money ain't a thang:
For more on Never-Nudity see this amazing clip from "Arrested Development":
[Junderpants via Japan Trend Shop]