Point: Dunkin' Donuts Sucks, by Nick Gilman
Dunkin' Donuts sucks, and has always sucked. If you lived somewhere with Dunkins in the past, you probably have fond memories of grabbing a quick 48 ounce coffee and maybe a pastry. Do not trust your own memory, it lies to you. Distance from Dunkins will make you remember it fondly, like an ex-girlfriend from high school. However, just like your ex, time and distance has warped your memories, and thus the girl that went down on Jeremy Cerone for Coldplay tickets on your birthday becomes your first true love.
So too with Dunkins, which not only is not as good as you remember but is actively terrible. What McDonald's is to hamburgers, Dunkin' is to sweet pastries and coffee. Their donuts are baseline. Their coffee is either tasteless, or way over-sweetened. They offer nothing that you can't get much better somewhere else. And don't try to tell me that their hot food makes the difference. They cook that garbage in a microwave. Nothing truly delicious has ever come out of a microwave.
We live in a city with a dearth of great, small donut places. Have you ever actually been to Randy's Donuts? Go. Go now. Get a dozen donuts for 12 bucks. Savor them. remember how they taste. Because if Dunkin' comes to L.A., all that will be ruined forever. Do you really think the corporate overlords at DDHQ give a shit about running these places out of business? That's not how they grew from a local Massachusetts donut shop into Lord Dunkin', Dictator of Donutland.
First it'll seem nice to some of you to see a Dunkins here and there, but
soon the virus will spread and you won't be able to drive three blocks without seeing one. Shortly after that, the Dunkin' Secret Police will be kicking down your door because your neighbor ratted you out as a Krispy Kreme sympathizer. California will be running on Dunkins, whether it wants to or not.
Closing Argument:
I'm begging you, don't support this madness.
Keep California an independent Donut Republic. Don't let the long arm of Dunkin's marketing machine force their bland, mass produced Donubortions down your throat. Rise up, California! Rise up and fight for your donut rights!
[photos via, via]
Dunkin' Donuts sucks, and has always sucked. If you lived somewhere with Dunkins in the past, you probably have fond memories of grabbing a quick 48 ounce coffee and maybe a pastry. Do not trust your own memory, it lies to you. Distance from Dunkins will make you remember it fondly, like an ex-girlfriend from high school. However, just like your ex, time and distance has warped your memories, and thus the girl that went down on Jeremy Cerone for Coldplay tickets on your birthday becomes your first true love.
So too with Dunkins, which not only is not as good as you remember but is actively terrible. What McDonald's is to hamburgers, Dunkin' is to sweet pastries and coffee. Their donuts are baseline. Their coffee is either tasteless, or way over-sweetened. They offer nothing that you can't get much better somewhere else. And don't try to tell me that their hot food makes the difference. They cook that garbage in a microwave. Nothing truly delicious has ever come out of a microwave.
We live in a city with a dearth of great, small donut places. Have you ever actually been to Randy's Donuts? Go. Go now. Get a dozen donuts for 12 bucks. Savor them. remember how they taste. Because if Dunkin' comes to L.A., all that will be ruined forever. Do you really think the corporate overlords at DDHQ give a shit about running these places out of business? That's not how they grew from a local Massachusetts donut shop into Lord Dunkin', Dictator of Donutland.
First it'll seem nice to some of you to see a Dunkins here and there, but soon the virus will spread and you won't be able to drive three blocks without seeing one. Shortly after that, the Dunkin' Secret Police will be kicking down your door because your neighbor ratted you out as a Krispy Kreme sympathizer. California will be running on Dunkins, whether it wants to or not.
Closing Argument:
I'm begging you, don't support this madness. Keep California an independent Donut Republic. Don't let the long arm of Dunkin's marketing machine force their bland, mass produced Donubortions down your throat. Rise up, California! Rise up and fight for your donut rights!
[photos via, via]
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