Pet Snitcher

My sister accused me of manipulating my father into giving me money for pet-sitting fees in advance of a recent trip I took. I planned to repay him but I didn’t even get into that with my sister. She is full of grievances about our father’s money, and I wanted to avoid a fight. My question is: How should I deal with the pet sitter, who is clearly my sister’s source of information?

- Anonymous

Response:

Shockingly, there is no legal privilege of confidentiality between pet sitters and poodle owners, like folks enjoy with doctors and lawyers on prime-time cop dramas. But a gentle word to the sitter should suffice. Try: “Mum’s the word where my no-good sister is concerned, or I’ll board Spot elsewhere.”

But the pet sitter is not the problem here.

Somewhere along the line, and here’s hoping it was when you were youngsters (or I have wasted decades at the shrink on my childhood family), your sister seems to have developed some sibling rivalry with you. Perfectly natural. The easiest way to tackle this, as adults, is to make sure that when Papa gives you a gift (masquerading as a loan or otherwise), he offers the same deal to your sister. The teensiest inequities can pack a wallop to someone who is on the lookout for them.

Not even a perfect one-for-you, one-for-sis allocation will eliminate this problem. But it may help reduce it. And you will have a somewhat smaller bull’s-eye painted on your forehead.

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