"Best 2K I Ever Spent!" Shirtless Kids With Problems Love Beetroots Concert

by SUSANNAH LONG · April 26, 2010

The Bloody Beetroots played Saturday night, and the sold-out concert was full of half-naked boys and girls, many of whom seemed to have big, big issues.

The party, which skewed old-school rave at times, was a magnet for those with various disorders both emotional and physical in nature. Let's look a little closer at the middle beauty above, shall we? Are those Ramona Singer eyes a fluke?

No. Something's awry.

It's like the Tree Man, but with delightful beads and ponies.

Awkwardface is a disorder, right?

Too much optimism and warmth.

No one respects their mimery. They cry themselves to sleep at night. The only thing that brings them comfort is doing the escalator.

Anger/Sass issues.

Unhealthy attachment to best bro.

Narcolepsy and/or stabbing stomach pains.

Self-explanatory.

Robot hands. Nice try concealing them with fingerless gloves. We're onto you.

Man-baby syndrome.

Compulsive pugilism.

Bellybutton narcissism .

They've got bills to pay and overbearing mothers. The one on the right just learned her ex is getting married. Life is hard.

Pair of giant hands follows him everywhere he goes, making it difficult to hold down a job, ask a special lady out, or have some alone time. Sometimes the hands get slappy.

The masked man has body dysmorphic disorder. The girl has wasted years trying to cure him of it. "Your face is normal!" she screams at him. "You even look a little like Luke Wilson before he got puffy! You don't need that mask! Take it off! Dammit, Percy, take it off for me! Take it off for US!" Her pleas are fruitless.

Hepatitis C.

No problems here. It's just the JV table tennis team, having a wicked good night.

Oral fixation.

We saved the worst for last. Ready?

SHE HAS A VESTIGIAL TWIN ATTACHED TO HER BACK. WORSE: IT LIKES TO GROPE. WORST: IT ISN'T GOOD AT GROPING.

What can distract these poor kidlings from their many problems?

A concert can!

[All photos from The Cobra-Snake]