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How do I know you went to Harvard? Because within 30 seconds of me talking to you, you somehow find a way to bring up that you are a proud Harvard alum, along with Elle Woods, Jared Kushner, and the Unabomber. But how much smarter than all of us can you really be when your parents sent you to Ivy League feeder schools like Riverdale, Harvard Westlake, or Buckingham Browne and Nichols* where you probably had a B average and a bullshit internship at whatever company your father is the CEO of on your application while kids who invented apps by the time they were 13 got rejected. 

You maintain a C average at Harvard, even though it's near impossible to get less than a B+ average because of grade inflation. You then go on to run a hedge fund, even though you're completely under-qualified and will probably be instrumental in causing another huge financial crisis for our nation's economy. 

*I intentionally left out St. Paul's because you guys suck.

[Photo via @harvard]

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