Weaponize "profound" aphorisms that totally excuse your transgressions!
Treated your now ex bestie like shit? "Sometimes you need to be selfish in order to be selfless." Dirty texted your tennis camp instructor from a decade ago for the umpteenth time asking if he's about it even though you know he's never gonna respond? "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. -Michael Scott" Ruined a marriage and broke up with the guy after he left his wife for you because you realized he sucks? "The best way to learn is by finding out for yourself." You're Louis C.K.? "These women worshiped me because I'm a genius my dick my dick my dick my dick dick dick dick dick DICK." Seriously eff you Louis C.K.
[Photo via @scychambers]
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