Cruising....Controlled?
[Image via NyMag]
While I was in Paris, one of my (and every other expat's) favorite haunts was Sylvia Beach's famous bookstore, Shakespeare&Co. Mostly, I liked it for the atmosphere -loads of ukele-toting rucksackers and elderly gentlemen in distinguished hats, but occasionally I'd actually buy a book, especially if it had anything to do with travel. And so I happened upon Edmund White's Le Flaneur, which, I presumed from its title, would be a story of strolling around Paris.
Not knowing who Edmund White was, I was rather startled to find multiple passages waxing rhapsodic over the glories not of strolling, but of cruising. Alongside descriptions of falafel lane in the Marais were tales of anonymous trysts along the quais and in the royal gardens. This was, of course, pre-AIDS, but even still it made me wonder why casual or anonymous sex is viewed so differently in the homosexual world than it is in the heterosexual one.
Saturday night I wound up at the Boiler Room because a friend was craving a er, release of sorts. He found one in about 30 seconds, leaving me to stare forlornly at men who stared right through me (well duh, you say). Watching my friend, who is younger than me, banter and then leave with two much older men, made me feel a little sketched out, but much less than it would have had he been a she.
I don't think that it's just because women are physically weaker either. Maybe it's because I grew up in and attend school at places where tolerance was and is the rule, and while I think this is absolutely how it should be, it can also create an unwillingness to question someone's activities purely because of their sexuality.
It's normal for gay men to wham-bamn-thank-you-sir, but it's slutty for straight girls and skeazy for straight men, especially when there's a large age difference involved. Or maybe it's not, I'm not sure, or qualified to say. What do you all think?
Vassili Verrecchia Shows Off His Favorite Things In His Paris Home
While his brother, Timothee, runs the NYC office, Vassili takes on the Paris-based side of things. To gain some insight to what inspires such a creative and entrepreneurial spirit, we asked Vass to show off some of his favorite worldly and sentimental possessions in his Paris home. See where Vass's travels have taken him...
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Penny
April 21, 2008
3:34pm
there are a lot more social norms involved with heterosexual couplings, namely because homosexuality was ignored, not talked about, kept in the dark. Also I think that there's gotta be something, historically, biologically, and socially, that makes a difference in behaviour--the fact that women get pregnant (read: vulnerable, unwieldy, likely to die, and then stuck with a child), not to be essentialist about it!
mark
April 21, 2008
4:07pm
I read white's memoirs a while back, but had no idea he'd done a paris book, so thanks for that. I think you're right about the differences, but I'm also not quite sure why.
gossip
April 21, 2008
5:43pm
I don't think casual sex is viewed differently in the "homosexual" world- it is just talked about more often than in the heterosexual one. If heterosexuals would just talk about it then it would become more "norm" instead of hiding it and being ashamed. Women grow up believing that if they have sex with multiple partners they are sluts- Gay men had to make up their own rules and are not ashamed to discuss their sexual trysts. Go out and have fun- sleep with whoever you want. It's your body and you are allowed to get as much pleasure as you want without feeling bad about yourself- just remember to use protection!
Materleo
April 22, 2008
1:46pm
All mores aside, multiple partners is, well, unhygenic, even with protection. Ew. And who wants to share that experience with someone who is so indiscriminate about "sharing?" Also, take away the romance, and it IS just another fun, physical activity, done by all animal species. Are you a dog, or a human? How you look at sex is part of what determines the difference.