The Spring Break Massacre Had Blood And Oysters

by HANNAH LAWRENCE · May 3, 2010

[all photos by Rebecca Smeyne for Village Voice] At the Spring Break Massacre in the Gowanus Hotel Ballroom last Friday, there were oysters, something called a "circular cycle of death," and nudity. Oh, and a two-story slip 'n slide of blood. Something for everybody!-

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Now, look here everyone. We're all for fun and games. We throw awesome parties on our roof. We even enjoy a bit of  mischief now and again. (We don't always wear sunblock or our helmets when riding our bikes.) Sometimes, we even race down the stairs three at a time. In other words, we're rolling in danger. However, Evel Knievel wouldn't even ride that see-saw type-thing. It looks frail, uncomfortable, and totally untrustworthy. Also...it seems to be stained with something that is by no means any kind of rust.

But spring break is about doing stupid things, right? If that see-saw was the most dangerous thing at the Spring Break Massacre, then fine. We probably would have had a go. But since there was a slip 'n slide of blood, we probably would have taken our chances with Hep C over paralysis.

Nope. No way. That is a no-brainer. Look -- that is about as stable as the lego crane I built last week.

I don't have any problems with this.

Or this. I'm actually surprisingly okay with this.

Do you think they think they're going somewhere? Or are they actually moving? This is confusing.

I keep thinking those guys are firefighters, but then I realize they're pointing and laughing at the people who are about to mount the lego crane...which means they're decidedly not firefighters.

[all photos via Village Voice]