Good News! Pokémon GO Has Just Severely Diminished My Dating Pool!

by Stephanie Maida · July 8, 2016

I'll be honest, when I was in second grade, I religiously crushed on cute boys who had leather binders filled with pages and pages of impeccable Pokémon cards. In an effort to impress and display my own expertise in their favored field of interest (which I still do), I, too, began my own collection. As we all got older, my interest in whichever expansion pack for GameBoy my crushes had acquired slowly but surely diminished, though I'd always have a soft spot in my heart for boys with Pokémon Blue. 

Let's cut to about two decades later, to a world where Pokémon GO has reached the iPhone generation, and thus, the already slim pickings of my mating pool. The VR-ish game is augmenting the reality of Peter Pan men across the globe, those who, at 25, already have no sense of self-awareness. Typically, the closeted video game nerds are quarantined to their own dark basements or bedrooms, "catching them all" or what have you. 

Now, however, they've been allowed to infiltrate the real world, as Pokémon GO actually encourages these undatable manchildren to go out, breathe fresh air, and hunt a fictional anime creature on the same city streets that I, myself, must frequent. Men I once found attractive are preoccupied with Charmander and Squirtle. I can just imagine the date nights: him, jumping on a table to acquire a rare breed; me, downing my wine and avoiding eye contact with other patrons. Must it have come to this, though? I couldn't help but wonder, is it worth your husband catching a Pidgey while you are in childbirth, if it means you did, at least, catch a husband?

[Photo courtesy Pokemon Go]