When you're the world's fastest man, there's a bit of a double-edged sword in that people must always be trying to race you. This is inherently idiotic, of course, but whether we'd care to admit it or not, every man has indulged in the daydream of beating up a professional boxer, or out-racing the world's fastest man, or similar nonsense. In these daydreams, these amazing accomplishments are the middle step to becoming wildly rich and marrying Megan Fox, who's so impressed with our improbable accomplishments that she immediately kicks B.A.G. to the curb. The only real lesson here is that we are utterly retarded as a gender, because you, me or Prince Harry has as much of a chance of beating Usain Bolt in an honest footrace as Newt Gingrich does of becoming President. Sorry, Newt, it's just not happening, you look like an enormous baby.
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