"Best $2k I Ever Spent!" The Pool Vs. The Pole At Dim Mak's Sunday Summer Night Swim

by Alex Gilman · June 2, 2011

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Let's put it all out there, ladies: I know the truth. Your attendance at the Dim Mak Sunday Summer Night Swim Party isn't an idle recreation; it's the first step in a complex plan that ends up with you meeting the love of your life. Only you're still confused about one element of it. Do you jump in the pool to attract attention, or do you dance on the "lamp" pole? Well, let's break it down.

The Pole

Advantages: The pole is right there in the middle of the dance floor, elevated above the party. In other words, you're pretty hard to miss. And you work hard at the gym, so don't you deserve to show off the fruits of that labor, along with your sensual dancing skills?

Disadvantages: When you dance on a stripper pole, you look like a stripper. Period, end of story. Every girl seems to think that they are the unique individual that can bring a touch of class to their sexy pole dance, and this is what supports the new cottage industry of "fitness" pole dancing classes and other attempts to mainstream the practice. And yet, none of that matters at all, because you can't classily seduce a guy whose only conscious thought is, I wonder when those clothes are coming off?

The Pool

Advantages: You can wear a revealing bathing suit and not be thought of as a stripper. You get to swim in a pool. You get to jump into a pool. You get to splash other people when you jump into the pool. You get to sit next to a pool. You get to drink next to, or in, a pool. Even if you take your clothes off, people don't think you're a stripper- they just think you're going "European Style." Pools are awesome.

Disadvantages: If you think of one, let me know.