"Traveling With The 99%": A Handy Guide To Onboard Drinking

Tip #3: Befriend Your Neighbors

Being drunk in public generally means insulating your own sense of propriety against the disapproval of others, but it's still better to get the crowd on your side. Sometimes, as with the second leg of the Boston-Milwaukee-Los Angeles long-haul I recently completed, that just means identifying that the person in the seat next to you is as eager to keep the booze flowing as you are, and peer pressuring him/her into drinking a shitload of airplane red wine. While I'm not sure the other passengers really enjoyed it as much as my brother and I did when she decided that we were about to land about halfway through the actual flight time, and then spent the rest of the flight screaming "LAND THE PLANE! LAND THE PLANE!", it's safe to say that we were amused enough for everybody. And in the strongest indication yet that we as a culture are getting ready to put the misguided War on Terror behind us, her outbursts didn't result in a visit from a Sky Marshall, only a flight attendant that could barely keep a straight face as she repeatedly called him "delicious" and unsuccessfully attempted to procure more wine.