Following Friday's roundup of the best moments from our favorite fake-n-baked guidos and guidettes of "Jersey Shore", episode 2, we now bring you the second half in Part II with our top 4 quotables. Make a note that the upcoming episode was just too good for MTV to put off until Thursday and a special broadcast featuring Snooki's momentous arrest on the beach airs TONIGHT, so be sure to tune in!
Our little Snooki-clone experienced a bit of the dreaded sophomore slump this week, as her strong initial showing faded somewhat with the re-establishment of old storylines and familiar faces. Though she was instrumental to getting the Sammi vs. The World plot off the ground in the first episode, we all knew she couldn't stay at its center, and sure enough, this week she could neither match Sammi in bitchiness, nor her mentor Snooki in being a flat-out shitshow. Though she again led the pack in skankitude due to another round of shamelessly throwing herself at The Situation, it was a passing moment, and not up to par with the show's greatest of gold-medal whoring.
She did, however, refer to Sammi as both "a backpack" and "furniture," and also provided a subtle hint that she may consider herself to be better than her best friend with this quote:
Deena: "Me and Snooki can have fun by ourselves, seriously, we're like two peas in a pod, we're the exact same size, same body shape...kind of..."
Uh oh! Looks like someone just realized guys aren't really into girls who look like real-life Troll dolls!
However, Miss Deena made sure she wouldn't fall too far with this 24-karat interaction with Vinny:
Vinny: "New girl... what's in a real boob?"
Deena: "I dunno, like, fat?"
Vinny: "Fat tissue, or milk?"
Deena: "No, I think it's like, fat tissue. You only get milk in it if you're, like, pregnant, I think."
The best television is both entertaining and educational.
3. Pauly D
Am I over-ranking Pauly's contributions to this episode simply because he is The Best Cast Member Of "Jersey Shore"? Quite possibly. But from the mouth of babies can often come profound wisdom, and Pauly D is wise like a muhfucka when he reprimands Ronnie and Sam for pretending that they don't even know what a tremendous faux pas they've committed by skipping Sunday dinner:
Pauly D: "You can't just come in with a big banana, and expect everything to be peaches."
It's quotes like those that make me wish I was still in high school, so I could put it in my yearbook. Mixed fruit metaphor? YOU BET YOUR ASS.
Also, he pronounced filet mignon as "fih-LAY MIG-nin." And that was fun.
It's not really a season of "Jersey Shore" until a male cast member gets stalked, which in Guido is defined as, "an unwanted girl following you around the bar the way you normally follow girls around the bar." In this episode, Vinny was stalked around Karma (the Mecca of Seaside Guido clubs, second only to Bamboo) by a grenade, and though it never led to anything quite as wonderful as Pauly D's "you stalked my whole life!" outburst in season one, it still provided ample amusement as Vinny ducked, weaved, hid behind decorative screens, and still somehow couldn't shake this girl's Darrelle Revis-esque pass coverage.
Vinny: "She is a parasite. And I am the host."
Remember, kids, he's the one that DID go to college.
In the same week that she shocked the world with the revelation that she wrote a book (which presumably means she could read one), the Terror of Tinytown unleashed two of her finest "Jersey Shore" quotes ever. I won't cheapen them with too much commentary, but you should really check them out. First up, Snooki on the age-old problem of commitment versus self-indulgence:
Snooki: "so what are they gonna do, they're gonna look in each others eyes and say 'oh, I love you baby,' all night? We're in fucking Seaside bitch, let's go to fucking Karma."
And now, Snooki, on the dawning possibility that she may face substance abuse issues:
Snooki: " Honestly, like, who hides in a bush? Only me. I will pee in a bush, I will poop in a bush, and I will hide in a bush. I do fucked up shit... I don't know whats wrong with me."
I can't wait to see her on Dr. Phil.
[All photos via MTV]