"Best 2K I Ever Spent!" Kelis Visits RDV, And We Have Some Tips For Improvement

by SUSANNAH LONG · April 27, 2010

Kelis made a surprise appearance at RDV, which is fast becoming the drunkest, messiest nightspot in the city. MOS and Kiss played, and some girl exercised her self esteem issues. Everything was cool, although we do have some suggestions . . .-

So often we look through photos and we think, "If only this very minor aspect were different, that would really ratchet this up to the next level." That's us. Always looking to improve our world and redefine reality, sort of like the heroes in The Matrix. Even when things look good, we can't stop thinking about how to make them great.

This would be better if the shoulder pads were 40% bigger.

Wear two pairs of sunglasses at once. People love that.

We'd prefer if every single cupcake had a sparkler stuck in it, and if everyone were wearing bras with sparklers attached to the nipple region.

We wish this actually were Snooki. We bet it's adorable when Snooks drinks out of giant bottles.

And we wish this were actually The Situation. And we further wish that The Situation would try to launch a pop music career. And then we wish The Situation would sire a child and name it The Situationini.

This would be better if both of them had more overgrown eyebrows. We have decided that eyebrows with a life of their own are the next big thing.

Background Man, you are spoiling the mood.

This could also benefit from a sparkler-bearing bra.

As could this. Frankly, most pictures could, including Washington Crossing the Delaware, and almost all Georgia Keefe landscapes.

There is not enough sideboob in the world to satisfy us.

Someone get scary Witch-Trial-Enthusiast-type guy out of the frame! He is like a porn group scene extra, but terrifying.

There is no way to improve this. It is perfection. We do kind of wish there were a way to get an animated gif of the guy's reaction, though.

Kelis! Kelis! Hold up a sign with our name on it!

This would be better if she were less cute, and we were more cute, and then she could be our kind of homely wingwoman.

Kelis! Kelis! Come to our house and play scrabble with us!

This would be better if Kelis were in it, making numerous milkshake jokes.

[All photos from Kirill Was Here]