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Cocaine used to be known for health benefits

You know who wrote an entire book on how great cocaine is? Freud. And he's only the most celebrated mental health professional of all time! People are constantly encouraging party girls to seek help from a mental health professional, and as it turns out, the Grandfather of Psychiatry himself encourages good old Vitamin C. Freud wrote about how cocaine helps depression and your sex drive, and since we just talked about how great sex helps you live longer, obviously cocaine just helps you live forever! Turns out the lady from Role Models was right about white lightning being the breakfast of champions - who would've thought? And Role Models is my shrink's favorite movie and my shrink's idol is Freud so...there's a link there I'm sure.


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