The original installment of the MTV Video Music Awards took place September 14th, 1984, just a few days after I was born, so I guess you could say the VMA's and I grew up together. And so, like the brother of the Unabomber or the parents of a spree killer, it's probably time for me to admit that the VMA's have, despite our love, grown up to become something of a monster. How else can we explain that the top moments from last night's show, which took place right here in L.A., included a pregnancy announcement from a woman who sells marshmallow vodka? Don't sweat it if you couldn't bring yourself to tune in, either: we've got all the highs and lows from the carpet, the seats, and the stage.