"Best $2k I Ever Spent!" Even Hipsters Love Fireworks

by Alex Gilman · July 5, 2011

Fact: the Fourth Of July is a tremendous holiday. Somehow, we got together as a nation, and decided that in the interest of cultural authenticity, the best way to celebrate our country would be with hamburgers, beer and explosions. This was a fantastic decision on our part, because by choosing to celebrate ourselves in this way, we've created a holiday so easy to love that even jaded hipsters with oh-so-ironic communist tattoos (see above) have no choice but to celebrate it. Luckily there was a block party with The Cobra Snake for them yesterday.

And thank god for that, because there was a truly disconcerting lack of fireworks around the city last night. Sure, if you crammed yourself into a high school grandstand in Pacific Palisades or Culver City, you got a show, but with the normally reliable Marina Del Rey show canceled, it was slim pickings for random explosions, especially on the Westside. MDR—we understand that there's not a whole lot of money to go around these days, but cutting the fireworks budget? Unacceptable. That's money you've just got to find elsewhere. Like kindergarten. Do kids really learn anything in kindergarten? They still seem pretty dumb to me. Or what about "street cleaning?" How clean does it really get anyway? I still wouldn't eat off of it. All I'm saying is, you have options.

Random sidenote: at the 4th of July party I attended last night, I met a girl who uttered the following breathtaking sentence: "I'm a very spiritual person, and so, like, going to India was a particularly amazing experience for me." I died a little on the inside. Fact: anyone who voluntarily describes themselves as "very spiritual" is very obnoxious.

Bacon-wrapped hot dogs make me proud to be an American.

[photos via]