"Best $2k I Ever Spent!" Everybody In The Pool(?) For Dim Mak's Sunday Summer Night Swim Party

by Alex Gilman · May 18, 2011

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Nightclubs with pools: what's the point? Time and again, you find yourself at a great, fun party at some exclusive venue (or in this case, Drai's), standing next to a gorgeous, pristine swimming pool. The drinks keep flowing, and suddenly all sorts of crazy things seem like a good idea: making out with that random stranger, putting 10 shots of Patron on your credit card, taking a swing at the guy in the Affliction t-shirt because he looks like a cock. But jumping in the pool? Are you out of your freakin' mind!?

And that sucks, because unlike most of those other things (and people) you do at a nightclub that only seem like a good idea until the booze wears off, jumping in a pool is objectively awesome, and one of the best things you can do with your time. And yet, more often than not, you end up like my friend Brad, getting hauled out of the Viceroy in soaking wet boxer shorts because that big, beautiful pool was staring him in the face for too long.

Well, you're supposedly allowed to swim at Dim Mak's new Sunday Summer Night Pool Party at Drai's. This is a most excellent start, as plenty of club-goers are giant pussies who for some reason fear the shame of being yelled at by bouncers whose only job is to yell at people. But even with that hurdle cleared, there's apparently still some social stigma that accompanies the nightclub pool, because people were just not getting in. We're working on it. What, instead, were they up to? Oh, nothing much, just acting like creepy sex addicts:

Oh my. We're a pinball machine away from this being a scene from The Accused.

Despite the fact that we know this is a reference to a sex act, we show this photo. The question, then: if this were some scrubby dude with a circled hand to his mouth simulating a beej, would that be acceptable? The answer is, it would be hilarious. Especially if he's cupping the balls with the other hand.

Have you ever noticed how some girls use the mere presence of a pole at a club as an excuse to launch into a 15-minute stripper dance? "Well, the pole was there, you're obviously supposed to dance on it!" It really makes you wonder what they would do if the club left a bunch of chainsaws lying around.

They say a leopard can't change his spots. Let's hope that doesn't mean this poor girl is stuck in this outfit for the rest of her life. Is that a children's fitted sheet set?

Everything about this photo is pure gold. Red dress is 3 seconds into her O-face, while her friend is simultaneously trying to Heimlich her like she's choking on a sideways Dorito, but also posing self-consciously for the photo. To the left, a Jimmy Fallon lookalike/creeper stares- and waits for his chance.

Next week, get in the god damn pool.