"Best $2k I Ever Spent!" How To Live The Sub Standard Life In L.A.

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"Sub-standard" isn't a term that gets thrown around as a compliment too often. In fact, Sub Standard Fridays (which, from now on, will be moving to Saturdays) at The Standard Hollywood, a weekly party featuring "Dancey Sex Music From Space," 2 for 1 well drinks, and exploitation films on the big screen, may be the first time in LA nightlife that "sub-standard" has been used exclusively as a compliment. But that's not to say we don't have plenty of Sub Standard experiences on a daily basis!

In fact, one could compellingly argue that big city living is entirely about learning to deal with sub-standard experiences! The constant hustle, the shitty living conditions, the masturbating hobos- these are all trade-offs, we tell ourselves, for not having to work on a farm, or root for the Colts, or any of the other indignities of small town life. Besides, at least our big city is a land of perpetual sunshine and sparkling beaches, which tends to soften the blow.

But that's not to say we don't have things here that aren't frustrating. I don't want to turn this into a rant about traffic, because if you moved out here and didn't expect to deal with traffic, that's on you. No, it's the more subtle frustrations. Like how there's no Dunkin' Donuts in LA. I get it, there's nothing all that great about Dunkin' Donuts. The donuts are slightly below average, the coffee's slightly above average, and every month they come up with some new high-concept sandwich (chicken parm croissant dippers!) that's lost to obscurity within a week. And yet, as someone who grew up on the East Coast, it's sort of like snow: you don't actually miss it, but you miss it.

I guess what it all boils down to is, as a young person living in a big city, it's best not to have standards. In this way, you'll experience more new and exciting things, like awkwardly explaining your sexual history to your physician, or eating Del Taco.