The restrictions even extend to the music: DJ's at events filled with Olympians must keep the beats and decibels within a certain range, lest the music overexcite an athlete into dancing too crazily, at which point twisted ankles could scuttle weeks of hardcore training. Thus, all Olympic events consist solely of music from Hootie & The Blowfish, Smash Mouth, and Chumbawamba. It's no fun, obviously, but it's the price you pay for future glory. So happy birthday, Jason, and thanks for teaching us how to party in Hollywood like the most physically fit, Gold Medal-winning specimens that walk the earth. And god speed!
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