"Best $2k I Ever Spent!" Throwing Down In Vegas With Kate Upton & The Ladies Of The 2012 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue

Irina Shayk Speaking of greasy-looking men with whom you would not want to share a taxicab, Irina Shayk used to date soccer superstar Cristiano Ronaldo. Granted, Ronaldo is good at his job, which places him several notches above Colin Cowherd, but just look at this picture. In fact, Google Image Search the guy. If you can find a picture where he's giving a facial expression that doesn't make it look like he can't wait to get home and beat up his cleaning lady, I'll give you an ice cream cone.