"Best $2k I Ever Spent!" What We Hope Goes Wrong At The Oscars, Vol. II: Red Carpet Predictions

by Alex Gilman · February 24, 2011

We covered the Biebs' new 'do, the less-than-hilarious death of Leslie Nielsen, and a Best Picture category with up to 30 nominees by 2015 (guaranteeing that even if Charlie St. Cloud couldn't score a nom, CSC2 should be all set). But watching the Oscars for the awards themselves would be like watching NASCAR for the "racing": we're really only interested in the flaming wreckage. And, in the case of the Academy Awards, the potential for horrifying accidents usually comes from the red carpet. Let's see who we might be scraping off the speedway on Sunday...

[Go HERE if you missed Part I of our Oscars disaster preview!]


Remember this outfit? Demi Moore sure hopes you don't. That's because for one shining moment in 1989, the at-the-time Mrs. John McClane seems to have forgotten that she was attending the Academy Awards in Los Angles, and instead dressed as if she was the guest of honor at Spain's fabled Samuels Taurinos Bullfighting Awards, honoring the bravest and most gallant matadors in all of Andalucia. Though Demi probably has about as much of a chance of winning a Taurino as she does an Oscar at this point in her career, you can see how the mixup would be somewhat embarrassing, especially when she was gored by an enraged Robert DeNiro at the '89 after party.

The reality of fashion has always been that it is a volatile mixture of the timeless and the immediate, with some emerging styles gaining such attention that they instantly become part of the canon, while others are discarded so fully that we cannot look back on them without feeling deep shame and remorse (see: the 1980's). An important part of being a celebrity fashion icon is having the good judgment to know which trends will stand the test of time, but even our best and brightest make mistakes that will haunt them for the rest of their natural lives. So who do we think might join Demi in infamy on the red carpet this year?

Annette Bening has been married to legendary Hollywood swordsman Warren Beatty for almost 20 years, so you know she must be oblivious enough to commit a serious fashion faux pas or two. With a Best Actress nomination this year, the second of her career, I predict that she'll wear a full length burqa to highlight the humanitarian plight of women in the Middle East. And then Warren Beatty will be caught in a broom closet with Vanessa Hudgens.

Natalie Portman is pregnant. Like, probably really pregnant at this point. And as we all know, the rolling sea of hormones tends to convince already insecure Hollywood actresses to double down on crazy outfits/photoshoots during advanced stages of pregnancy, ostensibly so their future children can have something ready to scar them for life before they even emerge. Look for Natalie to continue this trend by showing up in cowboy boots, leather chaps, and a bandanna bikini top. Now, while this may cause the 15-year old boys to salivate, a word of caution: pregnancy aside, Natalie Portman or not, nothing has ever been made sexier with leather chaps. Just ask John Travolta.

I couldn't possibly be going out on less of a limb by assuming that Helena Bonham Carter will be dressing for our nightmares, given what she already did at the Golden Globes. In short, the woman is married to Tim Burton, which means that she routinely shares her bed with both Burton and Johnny Depp, which means her sense of normalcy probably went bye-bye years ago. Rather than predicting what crazy, non-matching, sewn-by-blind-orphans-in-the-Bermuda-Triangle outfit she might show up in, let's try to predict what we won't get: matching shoes, a plausible explanation, and a boner would most likely top the list. But hey, I hear King's Speech was really good!