Demi Moore: Whip-Its
I knew a guy in college who owned one of those "
whip cream dispensers" that everyone just uses to do whip-its. It was a large, imposing monster that everyone referred to as the Hater Hurter. I thought once I graduated, that might be the last time I ever heard about whip-its, or at least until my kids were in middle school. I certainly never expected to hear that G.I. Jane was getting weird like that.
Now, I'm inclined to not judge Demi too harshly; it must be a jarring experience to wake up one day and realize that you're married to one of the biggest clowns in the history of popular culture, and we all deal with disappointment in our own way. Still, Demi, you blew Heather Locklear off the front page of Rehab Weekly not just because you're more famous than her (although you are), but also because your drug of choice was something weird that hacky mainstream news sources could use to piggyback a few days of suburban scare stories ("Are YOUR Kids Doing 'Whip-Its'??"). We hope you get it all under control, but just in case you backslide, make sure it's with something normal.
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