Bad Boy's Guide To Thanksgiving With The Fam

by Katherine Bonnin · November 23, 2011

    Holiday season means family. For the nightlife man, bottle service, a celebrity filled speed-dial, and access to the hottest clubs will do you absolutely no good when Grandma Betty asks about your life. Perhaps we can salvage your people skills, channel your energy, and give you a few little tricks that any female could tell you would be allowed in her parent’s house.

    For those of you who are traveling to families unknown, you should understand a little something...this is not about you. Nothing you wear or say should bring you all of the attention, you are there to fit in (excuse me, blend in) and you will be soon welcomed as an ADDITION to the family.

    I know twitter never stops tweeting, but during this visit, it does. Football scores are null, the party doesn’t exist, and no matter how much it pains you, if a toddler hands you a plastic phone, you sure as nails better pick it up.

    What To Wear: Top Half

    "The well-dressed man is he whose clothes you never notice"- William Somerset Maugham

    Keep the funny tees at home. Stock up on some basic pieces that you can wear with everything like black and white tees and nice button up shirts. If you are already thinking to yourself that you are doomed for a life of “listening to problems” and tv sitcoms, fret not, you can and will still be cool. Take a white v-neck and a grey cardigan and put it on, moving along...

    DO:                                       ------- ------DON'T:


    What To Wear: Bottom Half

    Dark or natural denim jeans are your best friend. Unless you already know how to put together an appropriate outfit with colored denim, stick to my plan. No rips, no bleach spots, no sparkly additions, no crazy stitching. Some men wear classic jeans with an almost indecent ease, while others need these crazy loud additions that just try too hard.

    Wear brown/black/tan boots or oxfords, not too hard to remember, right?

    DO: -----------------------------------------------DON'T:



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    What To Carry Your Stuff In

    You're going to have to get it there somehow and how your clean underwear gets from point A to point B, doesn’t really matter in the big scheme of things. Unfortunately though, your going to have to do it whether you see the point or not; trade out the old backpack and find something a little less smelly than a gym bag to carry your clothing. No, they are not man bags...they are bags.



    What to drink

    A few drinks is almost mandatory in many holiday households. You will be the boring lump in the corner if you don’t share a drink with the dad, the mom, the cousin, the Grandma, whoever is in charge of being drunk.

    The rule to follow, if you are unsure of what to expect, is the lamest rule in the rule book of drinking, which is one drink per hour. However there are exceptions, so I’ll lay it out nice and simple:

    1. Never be the most drunk, not even close, no exceptions 2. Drink what everyone else is drinking, if they are all having dry Sapphire martinis, drink that or something similar, not a Miller Lite. This can go either direction, if they are shotgunning beers, grin and do it too, don’t sip on a muddled lavender vodka cocktail. 3. As any half decent bad boy should know, the art of harmless flirting from countless nights out is going to be a strength in this category. As soon as the mom or grandma gets a little tipsy, turn on that famous charm and solidify the win.

    If you have come this far, my party friend, you have hope still to survive the rest of the stay.

    [Photo via]

    What To Say

    This is an interview and whether you like it or not, they are watching your every move (not to be creepy or anything, but they have this same dinner every year, a crazy boyfriend is practically prayed for). Anyways, IF they ask, tell them about yourself and have this prepared so as to push the pros and mask the cons. No one there will care about the latest 12 hour party bender, or how you saw Lindsey Lohan roll her face off, or how much weight so-and-so gained. Be brief and straight to the good points about yourself. The only reason they ask is because they want to know if you have something in common with you to spark conversation.

    No matter what, be polite and really listen to what people have to say to you. You be sweet and grandma will be pinching your cheeks before you know it.

    What to give

    This one is quite simple. You know your significant other well enough at this point to understand a little bit about their background. Most stores do the work for you, by conveniently putting together gift baskets complete with wrapping. If you know they like to cook, head to William Sonoma and grab whatever, if they like the outdoors head to REI for some cool outdoor stuff.

    If you know it’s a casual dinner, you could even throw in a little star personality and bring something odd that will make people laugh. Go HERE for some suggestions!

    So remember, as Mark Twain once said, “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."


    [Photos via, via, via, via, via]