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The word "friend" has meaning

If you refer to a well known person as your "friend," people are inevitably going to have questions. If you consider a "friend" to be someone you hung out with once or twice, who follows you on Instagram, or someone who bummed a cigarette off of you, you need to reevaluate your definition of the word "friend." People will not walk away from a conversation automatically impressed by you because you said you're friends with a member of the elite. They will, however, roll their eyes at you when they realize this person doesn't ever think about you or probably wouldn't notice if you fell off the face of the planet. No one will think less of you if you omit the "friend" part altogether. For instance, my shrink name-dropped a beloved comedic actor he used to play club hockey with once. I didn't think any less of him when he said he never even spoke to the guy.* Do you see how that works?

*I thought less of him when minutes later he refused to prescribe me a Pez dispenser full of Xanax bars. 

[Photo via @realdonaldtrump]

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