A Eulogy For Cool-Guy Johnny Depp

by Stephanie Maida · April 18, 2016

    Oh, Johnny. Gone are the days of your wildest ways, with cocaine and Kate, what happened to your fate? Hotel rooms destroyed, arrested with the boys, your cheekbones were sharp, your hair was unwashed. You were a rebel, a rocker, you were one crazy f*cker.

     Now your face is really bigger, there's a ring on your finger, you're sorry for some dogs' turd, thanks to that girl Amber Heard. 

    [Photo courtesy Getty]