"Best $2k I Ever Spent!" Franco's Weed Stash & Oscar Fashion Bombs

As anyone who watched last night's dress rehearsal for the Oscars can tell you, they still have a lot of work to do before the actual event. However, with over a month remaining before curtain time, we remain confident that with some new sketches, new scripts and plenty of practice—wait, that was the actual show?

So maybe the Oscars weren't very good this year, and maybe a big portion of that blame falls on renaissance man James Franco, whose glazed eyes and nonchalant demeanor made it clear to me how he'd chosen to cope with the stress of hosting the Academy Awards. In the pre-show interview, I'm fairly sure I caught a whiff of OG Kush through the television. Let's hope he has enough left in the stash to deal with the reviews today. [Photo via guardian]

But—for once—we're not here to talk about James Franco. We're here to make fun of some really expensive, really bad dresses.

Cate Blanchett

I'm pretty sure the last time an actress wore this dress, she was on Mars, fighting Vin Diesel for control of the galaxy. I'm not saying the only place this dress would be appropriate would be at an intergalactic space battle, but I think I am saying that one place it would not be appropriate would be the 2011 Academy Awards.

Sharon Stone

The general consensus seems to be that Sharon Stone is an ageless wonder, and that this dress is both classy and contemporary and fits her phenomenally. I have no specific arguments against any of that, except to say that if I woke up in the middle of the night and she was hovering over my bed, I might reach for the garlic and the crucifix before I reach for the massage oil. Just saying.

Christian Bale's Beard

As a friend of mine astutely put it, there's only one sensible explanation for C-Bay's gigantic beard, which is that, in the new Batman movie, Batman will be a tugboat captain. This is okay because the next Batman movie would make a billion dollars even if Batman spent the whole movie in the BatCave playing WiiSports.

Gwyneth Paltrow

In retrospect, it was probably a bad idea to photograph Gwyneth standing next to a life-sized, golden, unblinking, expressionless, emotionless statue. It's tough to keep track. Of course, it was a far worse idea to let her perform a country song onstage. And an even worse idea to let her star in a movie about country music. I guess what I'm trying to say is, Gwyneth Paltrow is a bad idea.

[All red carpet photos via guardian]