Rule #4: Reclaim Animals
Why stop at animal print when you can put a gigantic panda head on your sneaker? While the size and position of this shoe accessory all but eliminates the possibility that you could actually, y'know, go to the gym in these sneakers, the prospect of wearing stuffed animals around, all the time, has some appeal, at least to immediately exclude you as a suspect if someone in a bar you're in gets kicked to death.