"Best $2k I Ever Spent!" Saying Goodbye To The Cobra Shop

by Alex Gilman · January 13, 2011

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As William Shakespeare so poignantly wrote, "it's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday." Or was that Boyz II Men? Well, whichever bard was responsible, you can be sure those words were on Mark "The Cobrasnake" Hunter's mind as his Hollywood & Highland pop-up shop rode off into the sunset with one last pizza party.

Of course, we're sad to see The Cobra Shop go. It was just about the only reason you weren't embarrassed to be spotted at horrifying tourist trap Hollywood & Highland, and it will surely be replaced with an American Eagle or Hollister or some other store for people who can't rip their own jeans. Surely, Mark will find an even better way to bring his brand to the public, but we're sad nonetheless. So let's take a look at the last hurrah of The Cobra Shop, and maybe try to think of the other times in our life that it hasn't been easy to say goodbye...

We should start with something it wasn't that hard to say goodbye to, the same way it seems like it wasn't too hard for these girls to say goodbye to wearing pants in public. For me, that was probably middle school. It was pretty easy to say goodbye to my middle school, which was a dipshit private school where you had to wear a tie. Asking a sixth grader to wear a tie is like asking a 90-year old to put on lingerie: even if they're somehow able to tie it on correctly, it's just not going to look good. So yeah, middle school kinda sucked.

Keystone Light is objectively a cheap, shitty beer, and yet surprisingly hard to say goodbye to, especially after you've already had five or six. In that regard, it was like admitting to myself that the things I liked when I was a kid actually sucked. Dennis Leary isn't funny? Korn isn't talented? The Boondock Saints is one of the worst movies ever made? WHY IS GROWING UP SO HARD???

Because it can feed a lot of people, pizza provides optimal value when you're trying to organize food for a party. But what about when your host has slightly miscalculated or the pizza budget can't support all the guests, and everyone only gets a single slice? You have to nurse that slice, taking careful, slow bites, because the last thing you want is to finish before everyone else and then watch them enjoying their pizza when all you want is one more slice that will never materialize. What if you're really hungry, and someone else didn't eat their crust? Do you go after it? You don't know whose it was, what if they have Hepatitis? Can you catch Hepatitis from a pizza crust? The school system has not adequately prepared our youth for the problems of today.

Saying goodbye to a sexy pop-up shop is a lot like saying goodbye to a (possibly imaginary) teenage summer fling. How will you tell your friends? You guys, I swear to God, it was the coolest store ever! No, you can't see it, there's a Hot Topic there now. Yeah, I totally got laid. No, I told you, she went back to live with her mom in Ohio. Why won't anyone believe me!?!?