Rodg's Side-Swept Bangs Take Over The Zoe Report

by LIZ JENEAULT · April 1, 2010

    Oh Rodg--What I would do to possess such perfectly primped, side-swept bangs as yours. Your (totally straight) hairstyle is even too much for a die-hard beauty queen to handle. THANKFULLY, you've ambushed The Zoe Report with advice straight from your lushes locks (again, totally straight).-


    Rachel is obviously super stressed today. And while she's been "shutting it down," her oh-so-sweet hubby has decided to fill in as the go-to hair source for today's report.

    "Let me just say, it is not easy. A lot of time and maintenance goes into my mane-but with my unprofessional guidance, you too can master the look."

    Great! I've always wanted my tousled bangs to match my effortlessly draped scarf. And thanks to Rodg, he has even made it easy on us! He's provided a thorough, three-step process for achieving his luscious locks. Coming from Rodg, I expect this to be a quick and easy "guy friendly" process:

    Step 1 -- Jump in and out of the shower as quick as possible (guys hate showering)!

    "Lather, rinse and repeat with a moisturizing shampoo and conditioner...a minimum of 3 times."

    Step 2 -- Jump out of shower, viciously scrub hair with bathroom towel, throw on a Lakers hat.

    "Run some product through your hair and ever so carefully sweep your bangs to the side. Let it air dry. No hairdryer necessary, can you believe it?"

    Step 3 -- Find the nearest clothing (dirty or not), throw it on, and munch down on some of Rachel's stress-induced brownie creations.

    "And finally, look at yourself in the mirror, point and say 'Lookin' good!' Then, head our the door...don't forget your scarf. Obvi. "

    Wait, I thought this was obvi going to be an effortless process?

    "Before you unsubscribe, Rachel, myself and the rest of Team Zoe want to say, thank you for subscribing to The Zoe Report and Happy April Fools Day!"

    Now it makes total sense! It's April Fools, it's a joke, right?