Dating, Strictly By The Numbers

by MADDY MADISON · April 24, 2008


    Since the beginning of time, (inception of the internet), people have been trying to translate beauty into the language of science, to little or no avail. True, scientists came up with the golden triangle and waist-hip ratios. Which, while somewhat helpful in explaining the evolutionary origins of physical attractiveness, really just became one more thing for thirteen year old girls to obsess about after Anatomy class. Now, we have a new, fail proof resource to break down your date-ability with just a few keystrokes.

    Welcome to Think You're a Catch?

    You essentially go through a series of questions until they bestow upon you the number that will forever determine how many eligible Eharmony profiles you'll blow through before dying cold and alone with a fridge full of cottage cheese. But this isn't the real prize. Because, let's face it, middle school girls have been having this kind of "fun" since time immemorial (noticing a trend here)? What's interesting is what listed directly below your results.

    The site gives you a Facebook-style road map to just how lovely (or not) your likely future mate will be. Check out the "evolution" of this chick: she looks like those infomercials where the "before" shot was taken in war-torn Bosnia during a chickenpox outbreak while the "after" shot is all soft-focus photography with fluffy, white rabbits prancing around the newly-transformed, beaming subject. And I love how the final, perfect 10 picture has her radiating a slightly off-putting, alien glow. Which I guess is better than pushing the tanning-bed agenda but, please, she looks like a child of Chernobyl. The clincher? The fine print beneath the photos informs us that we, the internet junkies, have created this monster because all the images are a composite of scores from We should be ashamed of ourselves but we're too busy seeing how much we're worth in bed.