Looking through the pictures from the Guess's SoHo boutique opening party, we had the bright idea of comparing some of the partiers' fashion sensibilities, with commentary a la Fug Girls. While we're not experts in sartorial matters, we decided we'd pit some of the red carpet posers against one another and rate them on their facial expression, ensemble, and pose. There were lots of posed pictures. Click through to see who wins in each of these three parings: Lydia Hearst vs. Paula Garces, Marc Bouwer vs. Phillip Bloch, and Selita Ebanks vs. Jessica Joffe.
The Blonde and The Brunette: Lydia Hearst vs. Paula Garces
[All pictures by WILL RAGOZZINO for PMc.]
Face: Lydia's smile is all pearly whites, while Paula smiles with her eyes. This one goes to Paula.
Pose: Lydia lets her natural beauty shine with a simple one-hand-on-the-hip poise, while Paula's stance keeps pointing me to her boobs. Lydia takes it.
Outfit: I'm not a big fan of either. Paula's denim get-up kind of gives me the impression she's a bridesmaid at the Levi family wedding. And why is there that god-damned black thing right smack in the middle? Perhaps it's to clearly demarcate the separation between left boob and right boob territory? I'm almost in love with Lydia's top, but then I start thinking about how the two bands of shiny material might be sashes from some "alternative" beauty pageant sewn together. The bottom is painfully LaLohan, even though I'm not sure if they're leggings or just super-tight jeans. This is a dismal tie.
Do blondes or brunettes do it better? Can't tell you, because these two are dead even.
Designer Dude Face-off: Marc Bouwer vs. Phillip Bloch
Face: Which is worse: the vestige of a trash 'stache or string-cheese tresses? At least Mr. Bloch keeps it manly. Props to him.
Pose: I'm kind of into the way Bloch is inviting us to the gun show, and not so into the way Bouwer has his hands in his pockets. What is he hiding in there? This one goes to Bloch.
Outfit: Unless Bloch just came from the NASCAR racetrack, there's no excuse for the designer's hilbilly sleeveless plaid thing and wide-leg dadjeans. Did Bouwer just get out of middle school band practice? I'll take the lesser of two evils, and give this one to Bouwer.
Bloch's lumberjack biceps win!
Dueling Models: Selita Ebanks vs. Jessica Joffe
Face: Selita is delighted to see you, while Jessica's mildly unamused by your presence. Selita's got this one.
Pose: Selita's curtsy is elegant and refined. Jessica's arms at the side look make them wildly elongated and entirely unoccupied. Selita, again!
Outfit: Selita's babydoll undergarment veers dangerously close to being a maternity dress, but it works -- though a Victoria's Secret Angel ought to be wearing something a little tighter, no? The formless purple print on Jessica just confuses me. And I don't enjoy being confused. Jessica fails again.
Selita aces it thrice for the win!