Fuck Punxsutawney Phil

In this age of so-accurate-you-have-to-pay-for-them subscription weather apps, still, each chill February 2nd morning we turn to Punxsutawney Phil, a resident Pennsylvania groundhog, to look into his crystal ball of a shadow and determine how many layers we'll be wearing for the next 6 weeks.

Of course, Phil saw his shadow this morning. Or to be more accurate, the ten grown men dressed in top hats and black tie who crowded round him saw his shadow, while thousands of onlookers freezing their asses off waited to hear. And so, winter will remain for the foreseeable days.

At this point, it should be pretty obvious to just about everyone that winter will never actually end and spring will never truly start. We will, however, continue to live in a bipolar vortex where 20 degree days turn to 60 degree days, all seemingly without rhyme or reason.

But that's a much more complicated shadow to read. And Phil is just a groundhog, after all.

[Photo via Alex Wong/Getty Images]