Bananas Propel New York Giants To Upset Victory

by Stanely Stuyvesant · February 4, 2008

    BananasWow! In what must be one of the most hard fought, nail-biting, Super Bowls in recent memory, our beloved New York Giants pulled it out. It was a battle between the straight-edged stuporous Eli Manning and his no-name fiance versus playboy quarterback Tom Brady and his super model girlfriend Gisele Bundchen. The man of the people versus the king of kings. And its conclusion finally puts an end to the already hackneyed Manning Brady Dichotomy that has been clogging up the news lately.

    The boyish looking Manning, who oft looks like a fish out of water, seems to be somewhat of savant-like QB, having outplayed Brady, who always appears more aware both on and off the field. Manning's work on the final drive was genius, and yet his innocent exuberance at the end of the game showed an almost oblivious nature to his surroundings. But such obliviousness, such innocence makes watching Manning as a victor a truly refreshing experience. He isn't over sexed, over hyped, or over commericialized. He's Eli, a regular guy with drunk pictures of himself floating around the internet just like the rest of us! A true hero of the masses.

    But the real secret to the Giant's success was certainly the bananas that were being brought out to inject the players with potassium in an effort to prevent cramps. The cameras panned on them during the 3rd quarter, giving the announcers some new material for their jawboning bullshit fest.

    And lastly, the Guestofaguest Super Bowl XLII Awards.

    Best Dressed: Peyton Manning. He certainly cleans up well. His blazer and pocket square looked like he was at a yacht club ready to christen the Flying Wasp with the Honorable Judge Smails.

    Best Commercial: E*trade commercials featuring the video cam on a baby who hires a "creepy" clown.

    Worst Dressed: Bill Belichick. Sorry, but cutting off the sleeves of a sweatshirt is not suitable for middle-aged men wearing pleated khaki pants. We know you're trying to look "hip" while simultaneously flouting NFL dresscode because you think you're the cat's pajamas, but it only works if your team doesn't stuff up the Super Bowl.

    Sour Grapes: Bill Belichick. He left the field before the clock ran out, and he didn't even attempt to publicly congratulate the Giants in his predictably awkward and terse post-game interview.

    Best Hair: Tom Petty. Devoid of premeditated wardrobe malfunctions, he proved to be a fail-safe performer who can still rock. A true custodian of Americana, he didn't screw around with his setlist or his hair products, delivering well-known classics with hair that couldn't be straighter.