Osama bin Laden wanted to assassinate President Obama—but Joe Biden? No point in bothering with him. [Telegraph]
Wasilla principal Dwight Probasco banned the 1975 Queen hit "Bohemian Rhapsody," for his high school choir because Freddy Mercury was gay. [Frontiersman]
Sources say Ashton Kutcher is putting the finishing touches on a deal to replace Sheen as one of Two and a Half Men's men. [HR]
Matthew Perry is going to rehab for substance abuse. [TMZ]
Staten Island man pours life savings into ads proclaiming doomsday on May 21. [NYP]
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