7. Say No To Bubbly
Sorry to burst your bubble, but champagne is to be absolutely avoided if you want to be a normal human in time for brunch. The fizz (a.k.a. carbon dioxide) in bubbly drinks accelerates your body's alcohol absorption rate, getting you drunker faster and gifting you with the worst hangovers ever. (Don't worry, we always break this rule, too.)
[Photo via @moetchandon]