How To Make A Quick, Painless Party Exit

by Guest of A Guest · September 15, 2021

    Whether you call it an Irish Goodbye, a French Exit or a Dutch Leave, it's all the same idea. Skirting your way out of a soirée unnoticed, sans a barrage of au revoirs, is always the way to go.

    Is it a smidge rude? Sure. Would we suggest doing it at a friend's dinner party with like six people? No. But really, in most event environments, it's totally your best bet. Because really, who has time for hugs and kisses and making pretend plans to see each other again soon?

    So, curious how to master the art of making a fashionable dash?

    A most excellent, foolproof way to work your way out of a social situation is to look suddenly at your phone and just exit immediately without ever breaking eye contact with your screen. Remember, just because you've made it out the door doesn't mean you're in the clear. There's always the threat of smokers lingering outside, ready to pull you into conversation. Or worse, late arrivals coming in as you're going out, drawing you in for a "quick" threshold catch up that'll last half an hour. Once you've made it to the end of the block, you should be safe to look up. If you're a pro, you will have timed everything perfectly so that you simply step into a waiting Uber. The ultimate haven. 

    If you're at a dinner function that's dragging on for absolutely no reason and need to make a break, there's always the bathroom route. Excuse yourself politely to your seatmates, head to the restroom, and skedaddle on out. If anyone intercepts you on your course, a tried and true excuse no one can ever argue with is a pooch who's got to pee. Just say you've got to make it back to walk your poor pup who must be sitting at home crossing his/her legs desperately waiting for you. No monster is going to beg you to put off leaving for five more minutes of empty chat after that!

    Of course, there are small details to take into account. Come fall and winter, there's the coat complication. Personally, I never check a coat. As a naturally cold person, I tend to have it draped over my shoulders at all times, even when inside. Besides keeping me cozy, this also does away with the awkwardness of getting up from a table and grabbing your coat off of the back of your chair to just "go to the bathroom." It also does away with being held up in a coat check line like a sitting duck waiting to be pulled back into the pool of monotonous party conversation.

    When I was in college, I used to entertain myself at parties by seeing how many people I could get to go outside. It sounds weird and boring, I know, but really, it's so fulfilling. Whenever I'd pass a person I would just say, "Oh, so-and-so is looking for you. They're outside!" And then straight out they'd go, foolish little ducklings all in a row. Not to brag but I once got around 80% of a shindig outside at the same time. 

    All this is to say that another fabulous way to get out of a conversation slash make a low key departure is deflection. If you run into someone, just send them away to hunt down someone else. Extra points if the person you send them after isn't even at the party!

    [Photo via @wesgordon]