6 Things To Expect At Gwyneth Paltrow's Wedding

It's a Gwyneth Paltrow party, so of course there's gonna be a lot of white people nonsense. So much white nonsense that Gwyneth's token black bestie Beyoncé will probably fake another pregnancy so she can sit this one out. After all, she's headlining Coachella this year, so she'll have to deal with enough cultural appropriation and rhythmless dancing! This wedding will be so full of privileged white people who throw money at things to buy Harvard diplomas and "class," you'll think you're at a St. Paul's reunion or at a Trump Administration meeting (is there really a difference between those two things, BTW?). 

[Photo via @stpaulsschoolnh]